Sylvia Orenstein, age 87, Public Defender and Rebbetzin Extraordinaire

Sylvia Orenstein passed away peacefully on Sunday, February 22 at the age of 87. She was a fearless advocate for the rights of the criminally accused, a strong supporter of common-sense gun laws, a lover of Yiddishkeit, and her children’s biggest booster. Sylvia’s strong sense of justice arose from her personal sense of fairness, deep empathy, intolerance of bullies, and devotion to the Jewish values of loving one’s neighbor and welcoming the stranger.

Born in Durham, North Carolina, Sylvia moved to Omaha, Nebraska and then to New York City. Much to her personal amazement, she ended up living most of her life in New Jersey.

Sylvia attended Cornell for two years and then transferred to Barnard when she married the love of her life, Rabbi Jehiel Orenstein. Sylvia and Jehiel married in 1958, and loved and supported each other until Jehiel’s death from ALS in 2013. Sylvia made sure that despite his illness, Jehiel was able to remain in their home. She cared for him with skill and fierce devotion. She became an expert in ALS care and research, and has helped many families cope with the disease and extend the lives of their loved ones, as she did for Jehiel.

In addition to raising children, Sylvia’s first career was that of rebbetzin. When she gave a book review to the Sisterhood at Congregation Beth El in South Orange, New Jersey, three hundred people would pack the social hall. As part of her commitment to the Jewish community, she was a regular, comforting presence in hospital rooms and shiva homes, and she also taught Hebrew High School. For the second-day of Rosh Hashanah, Sylvia threw an open house for the entire congregation, typically attended by about 600 people, for which she began baking and freezing her famous desserts in July. Her hospitality was legendary and once led to Jehiel and Sylvia housing an asylum seeker, who ultimately became a member of the family. What started off as a two-week visit to avoid the Elizabeth detention center ended up as a three- year stay and a lifelong connection.

Sylvia’s interest in Russian language was sparked by a desire to know what her parents were talking about when they didn’t want the children to understand. She studied Russian literature with Vladamir Nabokov at Cornell. As part of her honeymoon in 1959, she and Jehiel visited the Soviet Union where she met the first Russian-Jewish refusenik, Leah Luria, and then worked tirelessly to support Soviet Jewry. Because of her bravery and activism, she was interrogated by the KGB and later refused a visa to return. Sylvia received a master’s degree from Seton Hall in Russian history and wrote her thesis about the experiment of the autonomous Jewish, Yiddish-speaking Soviet territory, Birobidzhan. Sylvia was extraordinarily helpful to Soviet Jews who immigrated to New Jersey. She and Jehiel sponsored many Russian children to study at Solomon Schechter Day School (now Golda Och academy), and she taught basic Judaism, using her Russian and Yiddish, as well as English to children and adults who had recently immigrated.

When her youngest child was a senior in high school, Sylvia embarked on a second professional career, attending Seton Hall Law School, where she excelled and served on the law review. She worked for ten years in big law. Though successful, well-liked, and respected, she desired to make more of a positive social impact. Therefore, she moved to the office of the New Jersey Public Defender, where she served in the appellate division for eighteen years. Sylvia represented a client in a death penalty case and was overjoyed when New Jersey abolished the death penalty. She famously argued the Cromedy case before the New Jersey Supreme Court, which established the requirement that, when relevant, jurors receive an instruction on cross-racial identification. Throughout her career, Sylvia received letters of appreciation from her clients, who recognized her effectiveness and understood that she really cared about them. After she retired, Sylvia taught appellate advocacy at the Indiana University Maurer School of Law. She also served as a CASA (court-appointed special advocate for children), assisting a brother and sister who needed her help in and beyond the legal system. In addition, Sylvia tutored immigrant priests in English through Seton Hall, developing her own ESL teaching aids, tailored to each student.

Sylvia was deeply proud and supportive of her children. She claimed that her eldest, Aviva, a law professor, “forced” her to go to law school and that they would one day form a law firm called Orenstein and Mother. Sylvia was gratified that her daughter, Debra, followed in the family tradition and could be traced as the seventh generation rabbi on her maternal grandfather’s side. Raphael, an MD, was crucial in helping with her medical needs, and Sylvia delighted in calling him “Dr. Dr.” because of the PhD in engineering that Raphael recently earned.

Sylvia’s life was not without its challenges, particularly regarding her health. She contracted polio shortly before the vaccine became available; had a life threatening, two-year bout of hepatitis; was hit by a car as a pedestrian and required three surgeries with nine fused vertebrae; and endured breast cancer, pulmonary hypertension, GERD, thyroid problems, and lung cancer. Rarely complaining and never shirking, Sylvia pushed herself always to excel at work, care for family, and make the world a better place. Her guilty pleasures included watching Judge Judy and organizing her spices alphabetically.

In her last days, Sylvia practiced extraordinary mindfulness and kindness. She was patient and expressed her gratitude to the hospital staff. Sylvia was realistic about her condition, knowing and accepting that she was approaching the end of life. She took the opportunity to have meaningful conversations and reach out, where possible, to many people she loved.

Sylvia -- who was variously known as Ema (mom), Savta (grandma), and Savta Ravta (great-grandma) --was the matriarch of a large and loving family who will miss her terribly. Many cousins and other extended family considered her to be a second mother or sister. She is mourned by her children Aviva Orenstein (Dan Segal), Debra Orenstein (Craig Weisz), and Raphael Orenstein (Susan), as well as her adopted children, Ernest Gyamfi and Christophe and Nathalie Dossat. Sylvia had seven grandchildren: David Greenberg (Ankita Vaswani), Michael Greenberg (Hannah de Keijzer) Ben Greenberg, Elliot Orenstein (Laura), Sam Orenstein, Emmett Weisz, and Hannah Weisz, and four great-grandchildren with one more on the way. She is survived by her brother, Solomon Mowshowitz (Deborah) and her brother-in-law Arbie Orenstein (Mina). Charitable contributions in her honor can be made to HIAS, EveryTown for Gun Safety, New Israel Fund, and the Rabbi Jehiel and Sylvia Orenstein Memorial Lecture Fund of Congregation Beth El.